


Midnight Confessions (Bucky x Reader)

by spiritdragon6



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lizards, Mutant Reader, Nightmares, Protective Bucky Barnes, Terrible Jokes, You're an Avenger, also plums, bucky barnes the baker, bucky eats apples, did I say fluff? There's lots of fluff, gamma lizards, majestic ex-soviet assassin, steve likes apple pie, the reader can teleport, wanda maximoff is your sister, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritdragon6/pseuds/spiritdragon6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: The reader is Wanda's big sister, she has the power of teleportation. She is also an avenger. Bucky shot her in the stomach, she nearly died and has a huge scar. She doesn't hold it against him as he did it as the Winter Soldier. He feels really sorry. They become really close and develop feelings but do nothing about it. Until one day…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Confessions (Bucky x Reader)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friend @ladyofthesun for making me laugh so much whilst I was writing this. I hope you guys enjoy reading it!!

First off, you were afraid. But soon after, you were angry. Then, once you had some context of the situation, you were wary. Finally, after a few days, you became more rational and less cautious.

It took Barnes a couple of days to work up the courage to talk to you. You weren't particularly keen to converse with the man that once shot a hole through your stomach, but you were at least willing to listen to what he wanted to say.

He finds you around eleven pm sitting in the common room. He sits next to you, but not too close. He heaves a few heavy breaths before saying, “I'm sorry I hurt you.”

It's then that you look at him, placing your book down. You can tell he's at least a little nervous by the fact he isn't looking at you. You watch him wring his hands. There's a tenseness between his shoulders which you can sense. From your conversations with Nat, you know that Bucky Barnes isn't exactly a social butterfly like he used to be back in the forties. This must be hard for him.

You sigh. “I don't blame you, you know.” He looks up at you cautiously. You rub a hand over your face tiredly. “You didn't exactly have much of a choice.” Your voice wavers slightly in remembrance. You hope he doesn't notice. “You had to shoot me to complete your mission.”

You'd almost died. With your last reserves of energy, you'd gotten out your phone and called your little sister, Wanda. At first, she panicked, then she'd immediately got to action and got you some medical help. You didn't have any energy to use your powers, you'd lost too much blood.

“It's still not right,” his voice sounds strained. “I could have just knocked you unconscious before you were aware I was there.” He confesses, but you're not entirely sure he could have done that.

You bite your lip. Thinking about the entire situation from a few years ago feels as vivid as yesterday. Your hands start to tremor faintly.

“You know that's not true.” You hear a sigh that sounds incredibly resigned. You exhale sharply. “Look, there's no bad blood between us.” You shift forward to the edge of your chair and lean over, stroking the metal of Bucky's arm in comfort. At this, he looks over to you, his eyes pained. “I forgive you.”

With that, you stand. Your hand slides gently off of his arm as you walk away.

***

The next time you bump into Bucky alone is a few days later, in the kitchen at three in the morning. At first you don't notice him, but then you hear a crunch. You look over in his direction and see Bucky Barnes majestically eating an apple.

You jolt when you realise it's him but for his sake and yours you mask the pang of fear that races through you. Your instincts tell you to run, but you ground yourself and stay put.

“Fancy meeting you here,” you say somewhat nonchalantly as you open the cupboard and reach for a glass.

“Likewise.” He replies. There's another crunch as he eats his apple. You fill your glass and sip it, leaning your weight on the counter.

“Couldn't sleep?” You ask carefully.

“Nightmares,” he mutters. You immediately feel guilty for asking.

“Well,” you take a deep breath, “This is strictly a nightmare-free zone.” You wave your hands around, gesturing to the entire kitchen area. You knock your water back and finish it. “Want to do something?” You're not sure what you're offering once you've said that, but some company wouldn't go amiss. Even if you have nightmares about the man that almost killed you, you could at least try and become more comfortable around him.

You're not sure if you're pleased or unhappy when he says, “No thanks.”

You just shrug. You wash your glass up and turn to leave. “See you around.” He nods at you in acknowledgement before you walk out.

As you walk out you have to force yourself to relax. You really don't blame Bucky for his actions. It wasn't his fault, he wasn't in control. But seeing him around is bringing back the memories of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Absentmindedly, you rub your tummy. You can feel the bumps of the scar through your clothes.

You shudder involuntarily and swallow down your nausea.

Instead of heading back to your room, you decide you want some company.

“FRIDAY, is Tony in the playpen?”

“Sir is awake and in the workshop, Miss Y/N. Is there something you require?”

“Nah, I just want company.” You look down at yourself and see your still in your PJ's. You frown and go back to your room and get changed into something comfortable but presentable. Then, you close your eyes and clear your mind of everything. The more you relax, the more you can sense where everyone in the tower is. You focus on what must be Tony in the lab.

It takes as long as an inhale and exhale to teleport and fully materialise in Tony's workshop. When you arrive, he's busy muttering at DUM-E. He looks up upon your arrival.

“Hey Y/N. FRIDAY said you might show. Everything okay?”

You tiredly rub your head. “Yeah, just wanted some company.” He looks at you questionably but doesn't ask. “Nightmares.” You say gruffly and sink down onto the couch near where Tony is working. Tony makes a quiet “ah” sound. Occasionally you come down to the workshop in the night when you can't sleep or have nightmares. It doesn't tend to happen too often, but recently it's been happening more frequently with Bucky's presence in the tower.

A peaceful silence settles between the two of you. You like coming down to the workshop. The clicking noises that Tony and the bots make when tinkering and the occasional muttering helps you to relax. Sometimes you and Tony chat, but sometimes you're okay with just hanging out.

You stretch out on the chair and close your eyes. At some point you feel Tony put a blanket over you. Warm and cosy, eventually you drift off.

***

The next time you run into him alone is in the training room. It’s about midnight and at first it’s kind of awkward because you’re both in exercise gear and alone. You’re running on a treadmill and choose just to ignore his presence in front of you as he hits punching bags. Well… it looks more like he’s destroying the punching bags. Not that you were looking or anything.  Not at all.

In fact you’re so busy _not_ looking at Bucky that you trip over your own feet on the treadmill. You give an animalistic squeak as you fall and graze yourself badly on the moving conveyor. FRIDAY automatically shuts off the treadmill. You sit there sulking on the floor that's freezing against your hot skin. Frustrated, you rip out your earphones and examine the damage to your skin. There are small spots of blood appearing on all of your grazes and they sting like a bitch.

Trainers appear in your line of vision. “You okay?”

You huff, “I’m _fine,_ I’m just tired.” Bucky crouches at your side and looks over your injuries, then gets up and walks off. A few moments later, you’re still wallowing in embarrassment and self-pity on the floor. He appears at your side again. He opens what you guess in a first aid kit and starts to tend to your injuries. “They’re not _that_ bad,” You say. He just shrugs in response and keeps doing what he’s doing. You’re incredibly embarrassed so you refuse to look at him until he’s finished. “Thanks,” You mutter unenthusiastically.

“You should probably get some rest, it’s really late.” You look at him with disbelief.

“Well I could say the same to you.” He raises an eyebrow.

“You could, but then again I’m not the one injuring myself on exercise machines in the middle of the night from lack of sleep.” He stands, picking up the first aid kit and offering you a hand up.

“Oh touché,” You say and take it. He heaves you up. It's then you realise that you're stood incredibly close. You can feel the heat radiating off of his body and it makes you flush. You look up and into his eyes. You both stare at each other, but don't move an inch. Your heart starts to thud faster from within your chest and your breath catches as Bucky starts to lean in.

But there's a problem. You can feel a telling tingle in your sinuses. You lift your head back and within that moment... You sneeze. Your head lurches forward and smacks straight into Bucky's. You both leap apart groaning in pain, clutching your heads.

“Sorry,” You moan, rubbing your left eye feverishly. You hear a deep chuckle and squint up at the man in question.

“I hope you're okay, my head is ridiculously hard.” You laugh and you see him smile. It's beautiful. His smile creates crinkles at the corners of his eyes as they narrow in happiness, and you see how his smile makes dimples appear at his cheeks. _I do believe that is the first time I've seen him smile._ You both stand there, grinning at each other like idiots.

A yawn develops and you attempt to stifle it but can't. “You should probably head to bed.” You hear. You nod in response.

“Yeah probably.” He gives you a small lopsided smile and turns to put the kit back. When he comes back you're still standing in the same spot and you're stood there cradling the left side of your face. At his look of concern, you say, “It's fine, I just hit my eye when I sneezed. It's fine.” Bucky looks like he wants to protest, but doesn't.

Instead, he turns and gestures with his arm. “I'll walk you to your room.” You snort.

“Is that just to make sure I at least attempt to sleep?” He looks at you in amusement and you take that as a yes as you enter the elevator. “Wow, it looks like you're officially my warden.” FRIDAY automatically starts taking you down to your shared floor with Wanda. Barnes huffs in amusement. “Hey, don't laugh; it's a horrible job. I'm almost as bad as Tony. I keep terrible hours.”

You hear a sigh and a voice that sounds like a tired parent. “Well, I'll have to sort that out. Can't have my little prisoner tired all of the time.” His mouth is twitching, like he's suppressing another smile. You don't bother to suppress yours.

You walk in peaceful silence through your apartment of the tower until you reach your room. Bucky takes a moment to look around. “It looks nice in here. Peaceful.” He says, indicating with his hands all of the pictures and paintings on the softly coloured walls.

You look around too. “Yeah Wanda likes pretty landscape pictures and photos of us with Pietro. They're everywhere, but they're nice to look at.” You pause at the door to your room and sigh.

“At least try and get some rest.” You look up at Bucky and nod.

Gesturing to your little scrapes, you say, “Thanks for… all this.”

He just shrugs. And gives you another lopsided smile. “I'll see you around, then.” You nod. He turns away and starts walking. You realise then, that this is the first time you've ever spent in his presence where you haven't felt anxious. You watch him go and smile as you open your bedroom door.

_Maybe he isn't so scary after all._

***

The next morning you walk into the main kitchen to eat with the others. As soon as you walk in, Clint whistles. “What happened to your face?”

“You look like you've been hit in the face with a bomb.” Tony mutters at the same time before inhaling what must be his second cup of coffee.

Bruce sighs, “It's not that extreme, Tony. “

You let them bicker and help yourself to a bowl and scoop some fruit into it. You slump down in a chair next to Wanda. She places her hand on your leg in comfort. You look at her and give her a small smile.

“I'm alright, just an accident.” She looks into your eyes as if searching for a lie. When she's satisfied, she nods and smiles back.

Eventually, the bantering gets too extreme for Steve. “Guys seriously. Stop arguing.”

“Yeah, but-” Steve silences him with an exasperated sigh and a raised hand.

“Tony, no.” Tony pouts like a child and gets up to get his third cup of coffee. At some point you think you hear him mutter, “just because you're old”. Tony's a persistent man though, so you know he's going to ask what happened.

It doesn't take him long. “So what _did_ happen to your face?”

You drop your spoon with a clunk. “You're so relentless,” You sigh and here a few murmurs of amused agreement around the table. Your left eye stings when you shift your gaze over to him. When you looked in the mirror this morning, you freaked yourself out. Bucky's head must be incredibly solid, seeing as when you hit him accidentally, you gained yourself the mother of all black eyes.

Bucky comes into the kitchen at that exact moment and pauses mid-step at the silence. He looks around and spots the mass of purple on your face. He blinks, almost disbelievingly.

“Wow,” is all he says. “That's impressive.”

“I'm sensing a story here.” Tony says, pointing between you.

You decide to just get over your embarrassment and say it. “I headbutted Bucky.” You hear Steve choke on his food, Clint snort and Wanda chuckle.

Tony looks at your knowingly but also perplexed. “And how did that come about?” He pauses. But then he turns his face and grins. “Or do we not want to know?” He waggles his eyebrows at you. You want to wipe that smug grin off of his face.

You glance at Bucky who is just standing there and watching the entire affair with curiosity. You sigh in defeat.

“I sneezed and headbutted Bucky.” You confess. Tony barks a laugh. “What?” You huff, exasperated and  embarrassed. Tony continues to giggle at the image of the scenario taking place.

“This is classic.”

“Shut up, Grandpa.” Tony makes an offended noise and the banter starts up at the breakfast table once again. It's a nice atmosphere, it feels like home.

Bucky leans over your shoulder whilst the bickering at the table increases. “I hope you're okay. I have a pretty hard head.”

You bark a quiet laugh. “Ha! Sure do. I'm good thanks.” You share a quick, small smile and then he's off getting some food.

The whole affair at the table is sickeningly domestic, but you secretly love it.

***

The next time you meet Bucky is… you guessed it! Another ungodly hour in the morning. “We need to stop meeting at absurd hours during the night,” You hear Bucky mutter to you as he enters the kitchen at around one-thirty am. You look up from your midnight snack in surprise. Barnes pauses. “Is that Steve's-”

“Yes.” You say, taking another bite from Steve's leftover apple pie. “Please don't tell him, I'll never hear the end of it.” You pause and smile mischievously. “We can totally blame it on Tony for revenge.”

Bucky chuckles. “I can always make some more. Clint and Tony practically beg me to make my cupcakes, so maybe it's time that I make a batch.” He looks to the clock. “Although maybe not now.” You nod as you eat the last mouthful of apple pie. He pauses while getting some water. “You doing okay?” You know he’s talking about more than just your eye.

“Nightmares,” You mutter darkly. Barnes nods in understanding.

“Me too.” He confesses. There's a slightly awkward pause of silence. “Want to do something?” Barnes copies your words from your first midnight encounter. You pause and think about it. _Some company wouldn't go amiss I guess._ You give a hesitant little nod. He hesitates. “Uh, what is there to do?”

You smile. “Ever played chess?”

***

You lose the first game.

“This is a stupid game.”

“You only lost the first one,” Bucky laughs. You pull a face.

“Show off.”

“Sore loser.”

“This is so unfair, you have an advantage! You and your super brain and metabolism and big muscles.” You pause and do an impersonation of him. “My name is Bucky and I’m all super hench!”

“That is _not_ what I sound like!” He laughs. “And muscles are definitely essential for winning chess; in order to win you gotta treat it like a war. You gotta be fit to win a war.” He speaks with mock seriousness like he's some kind of school teacher and then he cracks a smile at you. You stick your tongue out and set up another game. You win the next round, but you're convinced that he's deliberately letting you win. You narrow your eyes suspiciously at him when you say, “Checkmate.” He looks at you innocently. Too innocently. You let it slip.

You get bored of chess after you lose the next game. Bucky finds the situation funny, it seems. “Want to do something else?” You suggest. “I feel wide awake.” Bucky shrugs.

“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

You eventually decide to settle down and watch a movie. Bucky apparently hasn’t watched any modern movies, which is slightly surprising. Tony typically ambushes new-comers with films they haven’t watched. Eventually you settle with a film called _Begin Again,_ and it has someone in it who looks suspiciously like Bruce.

“I can’t unsee it.” You say, when Mark Ruffalo comes onto the screen again. “It’s him! It’s Brucie!” Bucky huffs, amused. It’s a good film and you enjoy it, but somewhere along the line you start to get sleepy. And, well… that’s all you remember.

You wake up in the morning, the room dimly lit. Something feels strange and out of place. Your pillow is comfortable, but the fabric doesn’t feel quite right. Plus you think it’s moving. You think you can hear voices too. _This is weird, maybe I’m dreaming._

“Should we wake them?” You hear someone whispering. _Nope, definitely not dreaming._ You stir slightly and your pillow stirs too. You open your eyes and blink feverishly as you wake up. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the light, but when they do you’re incredibly surprised.

Turns out your pillow is Bucky Barnes.

“Oh,” You say kind of dumbly. You push yourself up into a sitting position and stretch. You turn and look at Barnes. His face is mostly blank except for the soft fondness in his gaze. You crack a grin. “Sorry.” Then you pause in thought. “Actually, no, I’m not. You were really comfy.” At this, the corner of his mouth twitches upward slightly. You yawn. “Best sleep I’ve had in weeks.” You confess.

“Sorry if we woke you.” You look over and blink in surprise to see Nat and Steve. You’d forgotten that someone was there. Nat smiles. “You guys looked adorable though.” Steve is grinning widely from ear to ear. You raise an eyebrow. Steve clears his throat.

“We’ll leave you two to, ah, do your thing.” He starts to go a pinker shade and leaves the room in a manner that could be considered hurried. Nat walks out chuckling behind him. You look over to Bucky. He doesn’t seem too phased, and if you were honest, you weren’t that fussed either.

“You know, I can’t be bothered to actually get up.”

“Want help?” Bucky says, moving to get up.

“Nope!” You say, and before Bucky is fully standing, you throw yourself back on top of him. He makes an ‘oof’ sound which is kind of adorable. _And when I say adorable, I mean cute as fuck._ You roll over so you’re facing Bucky’s chest and snuggle into him. Cautiously, as if he doesn’t know what to do, Bucky places his arm around you. You glance up and see him smiling down at you. He brushes some of your hair behind your ear.

“You have beautiful eyes.” You smile. He pokes your nose. “And a cute nose.” You crinkle it at his touch and huff.

“Thanks… you too?” You say hesitantly. He smiles. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful and it makes you feel all fluffy inside. You hear a yell from the kitchen area. “I guess that means breakfast is somewhat ready.” You say. Bucky tilts his head to the side.

“Sounds like it.” But neither of you move, you just lay there for a while longer, looking into each other's eyes and smiling softly.

“We should probably go,” You break the silence a few minutes later. Bucky nods. “Tony will probably ask questions when he spots us on his way to the kitchen.” He nods again. You take that as a cue and roll off his lap elegantly and land on your feet. You offer him a hand up. He doesn’t need it, but he takes it anyway. You both head over to the kitchen. Walking being Bucky, you grimace and rub your face. It aches from smiling so much.

When you arrive at the kitchen it turns out that breakfast _is_ ready, but Steve is also pulling his depressed puppy face. “What’s up, Stevie?”

He waves his arms about a bit, looking forlorn. “My apple pie is gone.” You feel something drop in your stomach. You open your mouth to apologise, but Bucky beats you to talking.

“I think I saw Tony come in here last night, actually. Maybe he ate it?” Steve’s eyes narrow and his fists clench.

“I’ll get him.”

“Get who?” The man in question walks in looking he’s high on caffeine and hasn’t slept in days. So nothing unusual, knowing Tony’s sleeping hours. Nat hands him coffee, already made and he accepts it gratefully. You think you hear Nat mutter, “Oh, you’re gonna need it”. Tony looks confused until Steve rounds on him.

“You ate my apple pie.”

“What? Who told you that?” He places his coffee mug down on the counter with a frown. He looks a mixture of offended and confused. “FRIDAY, I never came into the kitchen last night, tell him.” FRIDAY is oddly silent. You crack a grin, completely unable to suppress it. You share a look with Bucky and he grins back.

***

Later on in the week, you’re on a mission with everyone. There’s some kind of deranged gamma lizard creatures of doom walking around the streets. Oh, and boy they weren’t little. Try bus-sized. You were dashing around, helping to get civilians out of the way with Wanda. Teleportation is usually fun, but you don’t enjoy using your powers in stressful conditions. Still, without complaining, you pop up and teleport civilians from immediate danger.

It comes to a point where the majority of civilians aren’t in danger, so you help the others battle the monster lizards.

“Twenty-seven.” You say proudly once you’ve dispatched yet another lizard.

“Ha! Sister, you are low on your game. I have defeated forty-two.” You scowl at Wanda's smug smile as you disappear from the maws of a lizard. You appear behind it near a car. You briefly touch a chunk of debris which then disappears from your fingers and appears directly over the lizard's head. Neither of you like harming living creatures, so you’ve both settled with just knocking them unconscious.

“I have a joke about lizards.” Tony says casually, as if he weren’t dispatching lizards and was instead talking about today’s weather. He seems to ignore everyone’s disinterested mutters and continues. “Did you hear about the old lizard that couldn’t change colour?” There’s a pause. “He had  a reptile dysfunction.” You pause.

“That was a shit joke, Tony.” Tony protests, but you don’t hear it.

Whilst you were distracted, you didn’t notice the lizard that was crawling towards you on a chunk of debris to your left. It leaps at you and you gasp in surprise as its claws dig into your right leg. On instinct, you teleport away, but due to the pain, you can’t focus clearly. You accidentally teleport the lizard with you. You howl in pain and kick at the lizards face, which releases you from it’s firm grip.

You stand up dizzily whilst the reptile crouches before you, poised to leap. You can hear some concerned shouts from your team, but you push their voices out of your focus as you stumble backwards and mutter swear words. The lizard jumps at you and your dive and roll over to a car. You place your hand on it and force it to materialise above the creature's head with all of your strength. You miscalculate and it lands on the lizards back. It squeals loudly in rage and uses its claws to drag itself towards you. You’re losing blood and you think, _this is such a stupid way to die_ , just when a blur zips past and renders the damn reptile dead. You wheeze and lay back, letting your head rest on the pavement in relief. You let your eyes slide closed. Seconds later, someone is shaking you.

“Y/N! Y/N, are you okay? Oh my God. Y/N, say something!” Bucky is at your side. You feel yourself being pulled upward and you’re rested against something. “Shit.” You don’t have the energy to open your eyes. “Shit. Guys, she’s injured, it sliced her femoral artery. She needs medical assistance right now.” You hear his voice is calm, but rushed and shaking slightly. That’s the last thing you hear before passing out.

***

You wake up groaning in the medical bay of the tower. You feel someone squeeze your hand. “You’re awake.” It’s Bucky’s voice. He sounds relieved. You rub your face.

“Hey,” You say groggily, opening your eyes. “‘Sup.” You close your eyes against the light of the room, sighing tiredly. You feel exhausted and you give a small and pathetic laugh. “Wow, I feel like shit.” At the silence, you crack open an eye and look over at Bucky. He doesn’t look distraught but he looks uneasy and anxious. “You okay?” He sighs and looks at your paler than usual hands. “Hey,” He looks up into your eyes. “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I-” He closes his mouth shut with a clack. You give him a few moments to pull together what he wants to say. “Seeing you injured and bleeding, it just reminded me of when I shot you.” He blurts it out before he can convince himself not to. You’re left staring at him like he’s grown two heads. Which he kind of does appear to have, now you’re on strong painkillers.

You watch him clench his jaw tightly and drop his gaze back to your hand again. He rubs his metal thumb across the back of your hand. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. You never deserved to be hurt. I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m so sorry.” You look at him worriedly.

“It’s alright Bucky. It wasn’t your fault. Hey, look at me.” He doesn’t for a few seconds, but eventually he looks up again. “I forgive you.” You speak the words clearly and slowly. “I’ll tell you everyday if that’s what you need to hear.” He winces, as if he’s in physical pain.

“I’m so sorry,” His voice sounds a little raw, as if it’s going to crack at any second.

“I know.” You lick your lips. “I know, it’s okay. We’re okay.” You watch as he shuffles his chair a little closer. He crosses his arms and rests them on the bed, taking your hand in one of his as he rests his head down. You lay there in companionable silence, and you eventually doze off.

***

It’s a while until you’re allowed to leave the med bay and go somewhere more comfortable. Wanda fusses over you constantly, getting you clean bandages, and food and tells you off if you haven’t been drinking enough water. She seems shaken by the whole ordeal, which you completely understand. Although the mother henning is a bit on the extreme side, you tolerate it knowing it will make Wanda feel better.

You’re currently laying down on the couch in the common living room. Your head is resting in your sister's lap as she gently cards her fingers through your hair. It feels lovely and it relaxes you. “So when are you going to tell me that you have developed feelings for him?” She says casually.

You frown, your eyes still closed. “What?”

“Come, it’s obvious you have feelings for James.” It takes you a few moments to remember that Bucky is James and James is Bucky. You still don’t understand. You open your eyes and look at Wanda.

“What are you talking about?”

She smiles down at you. “It’s obvious that you both like each other very much.” You blink at her with a blank expression. She raises an eyebrow when you open your mouth to protest. “Are you going to disagree with me?”

You pause. “I- No.” Your brow creases into a frown again. “But I’d… never really thought about it too much.” Wanda smiles at you knowingly, then leans down and kisses your brow while you think.

“Don’t think too hard, big sister. You might injure yourself.”

“Hey!” You smack one of her hands playfully and she laughs. You lay there for a while, thinking about your unexpectedly sudden revelation while your little sister, Wanda, just smiles at you lovingly.

***

It's about a week later when you can walk again by yourself without assistance. Moving around is slow and painful, but you're at least grateful that you can move. You don't see Bucky as much, which makes you feel disappointed. You wonder if he's avoiding you deliberately.

It's late in the evening now, and you're laying on your bed awake staring into the city lights of New York through your window. It looks so pretty at night with all of the lights and it gives you a small piece of tranquility and security. You doze for a while, not quite able to fall asleep but on the verge of it.

There's a soft knock at your door and it's so quiet that you think you hallucinated it. Just in case, you mutter semi-loudly, “You can come in.” The door creaks open and shuts softly. “Are you okay? Usually you're asleep by now,” You say gently, rolling over onto your back, expecting to see your sister. You're surprised to see Barnes instead. “Oh hi.”

“Sorry, if you didn't want me in here, I can go.”  He reaches a hand out for the door handle. You're quick to reply.

“No! No, it's okay.” You pause and then shyly admit, “I'm kind of grateful that you're here actually.” You watch Bucky cautiously walk around your bed and settle on the floor by you. He looks out at the city lights. “Beautiful, aren't they?” He nods.

His head is right there near your hands and you want so badly to just reach out and run your fingers through his hair. You're not entirely sure how he'd react, though, so you debate with yourself if you should or shouldn't reach out. Finally deciding test the waters, you carefully reach out and softly pet his head. He stiffens at first, but then relaxes after a second or two. His hair is lovely and soft between your fingers. You both exist together for a while in peaceful silence, drawing energy from each other's presence.

Your eyelids start to droop, though, not that long later. But you want the moment to last. You yawn and pat the bed. “If you get uncomfortable on the floor you can always come up here on the bed.” You realise how that sounds and continue with an awkward cough. “I promise to keep things strictly PG-13, no funny business.” You clarify. You look over to see Bucky incline his head slightly in acknowledgement before you curl up to sleep.

At some point you feel the bed dip and you shift over to give him some room. You shyly lift up the corner of your duvet. You half expect him not to get under it, but he does to your pleasant surprise. He crawls in and rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling. Not really thinking much about it, you shuffle closer to him sleepily and rest your head on his chest. He wriggles an arm free and softly places it around your waist. You place an arm around him and intertwine your legs with his, feeling at peace. Contented, you both fall asleep.

***

An odd pattern develops between you. Not that you mind too much. If one of you has a nightmare and the other is awake, then you go to their room and sit with them for a while. At first it's just Bucky coming to you, but after a while you go to Bucky too. You like spending time with him, despite the circumstances.

Recently, your bad dreams have been changing. Typically you're running from the Winter Soldier, trying to outrun him but always failing. He catches up with you and as you beg for mercy, he shoots. But recently your dreams have been twisting themselves around. The nightmares become about you not being able to save Bucky from being hurt. The worst version of the dream is when you have to hurt Bucky and you have no choice.

Dreams like that leave you worried and scared for him, so being able to see him after the dreams makes you so relieved.

And if you hug him a bit tighter on those nights and shed a few tears, Bucky doesn't mention it. He just wordlessly wraps an arm around you in comfort.

There are a few nights where you simply lay awake because you feel alone. A few times you go down to Tony in the workshop, but other times you lay in your bed with a wistful hope that you will have a visitor during the night. Those nights are lonely and long and if you're honest, a little painful too.

This happens quite a few times. You toss and turn around in your bed restlessly. You eventually give into your feelings. “FRIDAY, is Bucky awake?”

“Yes, Miss Y/N. Would you like me to contact him?”

“No, it's okay FRIDAY, I'll head up.” You get up and limp your way over to the elevator which takes you to Bucky's floor. You wish you could just teleport there, but your energy reserves are pretty low right now. Your leg is mostly healed. Occasionally you get a sharp twinge of pain if you twist it too much or move too quickly. The doors open and you head over to Bucky's door. You knock quietly and hear a muffled, “come in”. You open the door and ease your way in, shutting the door behind you.

If you're honest with yourself, you don't know what the boundaries are between you and Bucky. This is the first time you've come to his room when you've not had a nightmare and you're not sure if that's okay or not. There was only one way to find out anyway.

You watch Bucky roll over and lift the corner of his duvet. You smile when you notice which side he's lifted; the one where you wouldn't have to lay on your injured leg to face him. You shuffle over and join him under the covers. He automatically wraps an arm around you, it's routine now. You snuggle closer, burying your nose to his chest, inhaling his scent.

“You doin’ okay?” You nod sleepily and decide to admit why you're really here.

“I just missed you.” Your voice is so quiet that even with his super soldier hearing, Bucky would have had to strain to hear you. He squeezes you tightly and tilts his head, burying his nose into your hair and inhaling your scent.

“I've been thinking about you,” His voice sounds light and breathy. You nod a little and yawn. He gingerly kisses the crown of your head. You fall asleep to the sound of his soft breaths.

***

You thrash around in the bed and sit bolt upright gasping in shock. You’re breathing really fast, thanks to another horrific nightmare. You take a few seconds before slumping back down into the bed and you rub your face to try and ground yourself. You make a noise of pure frustration and pull at your hair. “Fucking nightmares.” You mutter.

“Can I touch you?” You hear a slightly timid voice. You suddenly realise that you’re still in Bucky’s room and not your own. You nod even though he probably can’t see.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” He wraps you up in his arms, pressing your back to his chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is soft, like he’s trying to coax an animal out of it’s corner.  You sigh feeling somewhat defeated. You nod hesitantly after some time. You pause in silence for a while and don’t say anything though. Bucky seems to understand your silence and doesn’t pressure you to talk. His hand is comfortingly rubbing your stomach from where his arm is wrapped around you. Although he stops suddenly and shifts. “What is that?”

You frown and look over your shoulder at him. “What?”

“That bump on your abdomen. Is it a scar?” At your nod, he says, “Is your nightmare to do with your scar by any chance?” You nod.

“Sort of, yeah.” What you don’t say is that the dream isn’t about how your scar came about, but something entirely different. He nods and rests back down behind you. Bucky breaks the silence.

“I remember almost everything.” He confesses. You roll over and face him. He’s moves so he’s on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Everything they made me do as their weapon, I remember.” He glares into the dark room. “I can still remember their faces as I-” He clenches his jaw and unclenches it repeatedly. “I remember hurting you, I don’t remember what I did exactly. I know I shot you, but I remember you.” He looks over to you in pain. “My dreams… they’re about being put under in cryo again, being reprogrammed, being sent on missions.” He licks his lips and averts his gaze from you. “Worst of all, I remember feeling nothing. No remorse for what I was doing.” He closes his eyes and lifts his flesh hand to rub his face. “I remember everything. I remember everything and I see it in my dreams almost every night.” He’s breathing a little heavier than usual. You stroke a hand down his metal arm.

“My-” You pause. “In mine I’m either being hunted, or I’m the hunter.” You lick your lips anxiously. “In the original event, I was the one being hunted, which is where I got this from.” You rub your stomach nervously. You glance up at Bucky as he shifts over so you’re both facing each other. “I…” You heave a deep breath. “But recently my… my dream has been changing so I’m chasing the person who did this to me.” You physically cannot force yourself to look at Bucky. _I can’t do this, I can’t tell him_. “And in some-” Your chest shudders as you inhale. You can feel the beginnings of tears in your eyes. “In some I have no choice but to kill them.” You sob a little, feeling ashamed. “I know my nightmares can never compare to yours,” Bucky reaches out to you and you flinch back involuntarily. “My dreams are so small in comparison to yours, but the thought just really scares me, okay?”

Bucky waits for you to finish before speaking. “Hey, it’s alright.” He strokes your cheek softly. “We each have our own troubles and just because someone’s pain is different, it doesn’t mean that anyone else’s is insignificant.” He nudges your chin up with his metal hand. “You got that, sweetheart?” You look into his eyes for a few heartbeats. Finally, you nod.

He pulls you over to him and you feel like a child again being held. You cling to him, hiding your face and your tears.

“Bucky?” He hums. “There's one more thing.” You close eyes and shake your head, terrified of how he's going to react. He pets your hair with precision and care. You don't want it to stop. The confession is on the end of your tongue and it burns.

“The person in my dreams-” You screw your eyes shut. “Is you.”

***

The hand pauses on your head and Bucky tries to pull back a bit. You don't let him, though. Tightening your grip on his top you refuse to be dislodged from your current position. “Y/N, look at me.” You shake your head like a child would. He sighs and to your relief, the petting continues. “What exactly am I doing to you in these dreams?” _He's got it wrong, he thinks he's always hurting me._

You swallow thickly with emotion. “It's not- You don't hurt me in my nightmares. I mean, you used to but now you don't.” Your words tumble out in a rush like he's suddenly not going to listen and he's going to leave and never come back. “It _me,_ ” You say it with desperation. “ _I'm_ the one hurting you because I don't have a choice.” You're openly crying now, you can't stop the tears as you shudder. You're shaking so bad. “Please don't go.” Your voice is small and broken.

Bucky just hugs you tighter. “I'm not going to leave,” He mumbles comfortingly. “I won't leave you, it's okay. I'm just a little surprised, is all.”

You both lay there as Bucky rocks you gently. His calm heartbeat helps you to relax faster and ease your hiccuped breaths. When the shuddering has stopped, Bucky says carefully, “Is it alright if I see your scar?” There's a pause as he licks his lips. “You can say no, I won't pressure you.” You're not sure why he would want to, but you nod nonetheless.

FRIDAY automatically turns on the lights at an incredibly low setting. Bucky shifts up to sit next to you, crossing his legs. You roll onto your back and watch as the covers pool around his waist. The sudden rush of cold air makes you shiver. He looks at you as if for permission to lift the bottom of your top. You reach down and pull your top up to your diaphragm. He sucks in a breath.

He touches the scar with his index finger and runs his hand along it. “It's a big scar,” He says. You nod and look down. It always shocks you when you see how large it is. You don't have a clue what kind of gun Bucky had when he shot you, but it clearly packed a punch. There's a jagged line coming out of the bottom and top of the scar and it runs across your abdomen. It's discoloured, a different shade to your natural skin tone. You glance up at Bucky who looks like he's having a rough time.

“It was years ago.” You say. He looks over to you. “It doesn't hurt now.” He sighs, looking guilty. You know that he knows he created the scar. “Bucky, stop blaming yourself.” He bends down and kisses the scar softly. It's a tender moment and at his actions your heart breaks a little at his broken look.

He sits there for a while, just thinking and frowning. At some point he runs his fingers gingerly along the lines of the scar tissue. You have to bite your tongue to suppress a laugh. Despite the seriousness of the moment, his touch still tickles. It takes him a few moments to notice you squirming ever so slightly. He looks at you in confusion and you decide that expression is cute on him. It takes him a second to figure out what's wrong but then it clicks. A grin spreads across his face and that's when you know that all hell is going to break loose.

“You're ticklish.” Wide-eyed, you shake your head. There's a pause.

And then he tackles you.

You scream and laugh as his hands scramble madly across your ribs. You curl up and howl with absolute laughter. “Stop!” You beg, thrashing about and laughing, “No, no, ah!” Bucky starts laughing in surprise as you manage to battle him back and try and find his tickle spots. You literally have no idea if he even has any but you're determined to find at least one spot on him.

You both tumble across the bed in a fit of giggles and laughter, wrestling each other to try and make each other boneless with laughter. You find a spot on the side of Bucky's ribs that makes him laugh and exclaim. “No!” He howls and tries to scramble away, but you leap up and tackle him from behind, knocking him flat against the bed face first.

“Victory!” You scream and tickle him. Bucky is giggling and twitching helplessly in your grip and his laughter is so contagious that eventually you have to stop tickling him because you're laughing too hard. Bucky sits up and knocks you over which only makes you laugh harder. You're laughing like you've never laughed before and you're convinced that if you carry on like this you're going to run out of oxygen. You both sit there giggling like imbeciles, clutching your ribs and looking like idiots. But eventually you start to calm down.

And then you look at each other and start laughing again. He slumps back down next to you on the bed, still chuckling. Every now and then one of you snorts and the laughter starts up again. When you look over at Bucky you can't help but smile.

 _I can't remember ever being happier_.

Bucky smiles at you again and your heart melts. You reach out and tuck some of his hair behind his ear. He kisses your wrist when you retrieve your hand. You smile.

“D’you know what the time is? I feel so awake.”

“I have no idea. FRIDAY?” Bucky asks.

“The time is currently 04:36 am. Do you require any assistance?”

“No thanks FRIDAY, we're okay.” Bucky looks over to you. “Fancy doing something? I feel way too awake after all that.” He pokes you in the ribs, making you giggle. He cracks a grin. You smile back.

“Sure, what were you thinking?”

***

“Ah, ah, ah! No! Put it down!” Bucky stands there waving a chocolate covered spoon at you. You can't take him seriously because he's in an apron that says _‘Kiss the Cook’_ on it with a pair of lips on the area of the privates. Seeing him wearing it at first made you roar with laughter and now you can't help but chuckle whenever he turns around and you see it.

You guiltily place the bowl of cookie dough down with a small pout.

You both decided that sitting around was boring, so Bucky suggested baking. Turns out he's the best baker in the universe.

You helped Bucky make Steve some more apple pie; two batches because you have so much time on your hands. That, and pastry.

Bucky is currently making loads of cookies and you made some red velvet cake knowing it's Wanda's favourite. You learn a tonne of new stuff from Bucky. It's quite hilarious being taught by him when he's waving various utensils around. Especially in that apron. You love that apron.

Bucky keeps telling you off when you lick your fingers, but he does it with his voice filled with amusement.

At one point you go to blend something in a processor, only to figure out it's not working. You realise the switch was off and feel embarrassed. You lean over and turn it on and the machine starts up. You yell in surprise. The lid isn't on properly and you didn't expect it to start.

You squeal and lunge for the switch and turn it off, but not before getting covered in a mixture of flour, oats and syrup. Bucky laughs.

“Shut up, you.” You grumble with a small smile, trying to wipe all of the mixture off of your face but only succeeding in spreading it more. Bucky just laughs more. You flick some at his face, hitting him between his eyebrows. He puts his tools down and turns to you with a straight face. You pause. You just flicked some cake mixture at an ex-Soviet assassins face and there is no way he's going to let you get away with it. There's also no way you're going to win this war.

“Oh, it's on.” Bucky says and throws flour at you. You splutter and grab a glass of water, throwing it in Bucky's direction. You hear an “ugh” and are satisfied that it hit him. Next thing you know, you're hit in the face with a packet of dates. You shout in surprise and grab some leftover cake mixture as Bucky lunges for cover. But you've got a sly trick up your sleeve. You teleport behind him and smack it right in his face. Bucky spits it some out of his mouth in surprise. “Cheat!” He laughs. He kicks his legs out and knocks you onto the floor. He collects as much cake mixture that he can off of his face and wipes it on yours. And then, just for good measure, he tickles you again.

“No!” You howl. “No fair!” You both end up rolling on the kitchen floor in the water puddle, soaking yourselves and then rolling in the flour and mixture on the floor which then sticks to you. At one point Bucky headbutts one of the cupboards and laughs.

“Ow!” He exclaims, even though it didn't really hurt him. Then a beeper goes off on the oven, signifying that the apple pies and the first batch of cookies are ready to come out. You laugh as Bucky stands and helps you up. Bucky proceeds to get the goodies out of the oven and you observe the mess you've both made.

“Wow.” Bucky looks over and barks a laugh.

“Wow indeed.” He puts a prong into the pies and pulls them out, checking that it's finished. He looks at you over his shoulder. “This is gonna be fun to clear up.” You nod. You wipe the counter clear of mess and help Bucky lay out the cookies and pies to cool. You watch him put in the red velvet cake, the cupcakes and the rest of the cookies into the oven.

He turns back to you with his hands on his hips. You snort in laughter. He looks absolutely ridiculous. His apron is hilarious, and on top of that bits of flour is powdered all over him, chunks of mixture is in his hair and  bits of red velvet cake is smeared all over his face. Most of his clothes are powered white too. “You're laughing at me? You should see yourself,” He's grinning back at you with amusement in his eyes.

“I know,” Your eyes glint mischievously. “Everyone want’s to look at me, I’m that perfect.” Bucky chuckles. You clap your hands together. “Right, we should probably clear this all up before the others come up for breakfast.” He nods with a grin.

“Let's get to it.”

***

You both manage to get the kitchen practically spotless before the others come in for breakfast. Turns out you both have about forty minutes to spare. You feel all hot and really, really uncomfortable covered in various cooking ingredients. All of things baked are baked, some are eaten, and all things dirty are now clean. It’s just you and Bucky now that need to wash. “Right, well then, I’m gonna go shower.” It would appear that Bucky agrees with your idea. Instead of getting the elevator covered in flour and whatnot, you decide to just teleport Bucky back to his room. He thanks you and you vanish back to your own room for a shower.

It feels so _good_ to have all of that syrup and flour out of your hair and off of your face. You practically groan in pleasure. You tug at your hair to untangle it as you wash it. At some point during your shower, you think about James Buchanan Barnes. The shower is not the place to think of him.

It’s very clear to you now, that you have developed an incredibly large crush on the towers resident soldier. It’s probably a mutual feeling, but you’ve never been good at knowing how other people feel in terms of you. But you know who is? Your sister.

You step out of your shower and dry yourself off. You feel a bit dizzy from your busy night and lack of sleep, but you surge on in determination and get dressed nonetheless. Fully clothed, you check the time with FRIDAY and shrug. Wanda is most likely awake by now… it is seven thirty anyway.

You knock on her door and she opens it. You snort at the sight of her bedhead. She just looks at you sleepily. “I was just getting up.” _Perfect timing then._

“Awesome,” You say. Wanda narrows her eyes suspiciously at your enthusiasm, but lets you in her room, leaving the door open. “So I’ve been thinking about what you were saying to me the other day on the couch.” You watch the corners of her mouth curl up into a smile as she starts to make her bed. You go over to the other side of the bed to help her straighten out the covers. She makes a gesture for you to continue. “So yeah, I’ve been thinking about what you said.” You frown, unsure about how to phrase what you’re trying to say. “I’ve been hanging out with Bucky a lot recently-”

“I’ve noticed.”

“-and I’ve started to realise that maybe you’re right?” Wanda smiles.

“I’m always right.”

“Not always. Remember that time with the-”

“That was _one_ time, Y/N, _one_ time.” You smile at her and continue.

“Anyway, so I really like him-”

“You mean you really _like_ -like him.” You glare at her and carry on talking. She just smiles back playfully.

“-and I basically don’t know if he feels the same way.” Wanda gives you a dumbfounded look.

“You’re joking, right? This is some kind of joke.” You shrug. “Y/N, it’s _obvious_ that he feels the same way about you. You’ve told me already about him coming to your room when he has nightmares, and you watch films together and play games.” She puts her hands on her hips and puts on a parental tone. “You spend quite a lot of time together when the others aren’t around and don’t think I don’t notice that look on your face when you think about him.” You sit on the corner of the bed and watch Wanda as she heads over to her dressing table and starts to brush her hair. “So if you’re afraid that he doesn’t like you back, then your fear is unfounded.” You twiddle your thumbs.

“Okay, so let's say he _does_ feel the same way about me-”

“He does.”

“-and he genuinely likes hanging out with me-”

“Which he does.”

“Then-”

“You don’t know what to do about it?” You nod. She finishes getting the knots out of her hair and ties it up. Wanda walks into her bathroom and you follow her. She starts brushing her teeth as she continues to talk which amuses you. “Well most of the others have already noticed the way you two act around each other,” At your look of surprise she explains. “Natalia promised Anthony that if he made comments about it she would rip out his tongue and the others took the hint too.” You laugh; that certainly doesn’t surprise you. “So we all know about you two.” She smiles and it looks funny with the toothbrush in her mouth. “So I could always get Steve to talk to James to persuade him to do something, if that is what you want.” She carries on brushing her teeth properly now.

“Well, if I’m honest, I don’t know what I want.” You confess and Wanda raises an eyebrow coupled with a lopsided smile. “I mean, I want to spend time with him and I want to do it more, but I don’t know the boundaries of what I can do with him, or how long I can spend with him before he gets bored of me.” Wanda rolls her eyes and turns to spit out the toothpaste. She rinses her mouth out and washes her face.

“My poor sister doesn’t understand the word ‘love’.” You look at her in shock. She laughs at your expression and you smile a little. You love her laugh. “Come on, Y/N! It’s obvious it’s love.” You gape for a few moments as you follow Wanda out of the bathroom and back into her room. You slump on her bed and lay down as she gets changed. She chuckles when you throw your arms over your eyes dramatically and groan. “Aw, you’re so adorable.”

“That’s unfair,” You mutter thickly, “I’m the older one, you should be the adorable one.”

“Alas!” Wanda says loudly. “What an unfair world we live in!”

“Yeah,” You mutter in a childish voice. When Wanda finishes getting changed she walks over to you and nudges your leg with her foot. You sigh dramatically and sit up. “Oh Wanda, what do I do?”

She smiles brightly at you as you look up at her. “Go with what your heart tells you.” She gives you a hand up. “Tell him how you feel.” She heads out of her room and over to the elevator. You follow her, knowing that she’s going up to the main kitchen for breakfast.

“Easier said than done,” You mutter as you enter the lift and head up for breakfast.

***

Later on during the day you find yourself laying on the wooden floor of the living room by the window in a starfish position. You’re in the rectangle of sunlight shining through the window and it’s nice and warm.

“Uh, what are you doing on the floor?” It’s Tony’s voice.

“I’m contemplating the meaning of life.” You mumble. Tony nudges your rib with his foot and you open your eyes.

“You’re thinking about lover-boy aren’t you?” He grins down at you when you glare up at him. “Y/N’s in love,” He sings and you punch his shin. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Serves you right,” You mutter and rub your eyes. He sticks his tongue out at you. Tony glares at you, but there’s a fondness in his eyes. He suddenly grins at you like he knows something you don’t. You narrow your eyes. “What.” You deadpan.

“So…” He drawls. “Watched footage of you both last night.” He jumps out of the way just before your fist connects with his leg again. “You both looked adorable baking and covered in flour.” _If looks could kill..._

“Иди к чёрту.” _(Ee-doo kah chore-toe.)_

Tony looks offended. “Did you just swear at me in Russian?”

“No, I said ‘go to hell’.”

“That’s rude.”

“You’re one to talk, you old fart.” You laugh at Tony as he puffs out his chest.

“I’m not old, I’m vintage. That means I’m worth more.” You snort. “But anyway, FRIDAY saved the video footage because she’s a good girl. Just thought I should tell you if you want to play it back.” He smiles down at you. “You can thank me later.” You shake your head with a toothy grin. “There’s photos!”

“You asshole!” You yell endearingly at him as he walks off.

“You’re welcome!” He yells back, and then he disappears through the doorway.

You laugh as you lay there, but can’t help feeling heavy with loss on what to do about Bucky.

***

Instead of doing the rational thing like Wanda suggested, you choose to avoid Bucky. Whenever you talk to him, there’s a voice in your head screaming, _‘Just tell him!’_ and for some reason you can’t force yourself to. It sticks to your tongue each time and presses to the front of your mind and you feel more uncomfortable as a result when you’re around him. So you’ve just elected not to spend as much time with him.

The man in question has cornered you a few times, but each time you’ve managed to avoid talking to him too much and have made up various excuses as to why you can’t hang around. Or sometimes you just teleport and disappear before he walks into the room. Either works.

Your sister has noticed what you’re doing and gives you a telling look each time she sees you. But other than the looks, she doesn’t mention it.

You feel lonely without spending so much time with Bucky, and you think about him a lot when you’re around the others. As a result, you’ve become more withdrawn and a little depressed. The others have noticed, but they don’t really know what to do about it. Bucky hasn’t come to your room since you’ve been avoiding him, which you’re simultaneously grateful and disappointed about. At night instead of visiting him, you’ve been watching FRIDAY’s footage of you both laughing in the kitchen and having tickle fights. The videos make you smile but they also make you sad. You wake up in the mornings sighing and not really looking forward to the day now and you don’t know what to do about that.

The longer you avoid telling him how you feel, the harder it gets talking to him normally.

You know you feel stupid and what you’re doing is irrational but you don’t know how to stop avoiding having a conversation with Bucky and it’s getting painful.

“Why can’t I just spit out?!” You scream at your ceiling.

***

Every few hours, there’s a knock at your door, but you don’t let anyone in. You’ve stopped coming out of your room recently, and the others are worried. You understand their worry. You haven't eaten in the last few days, you haven't drunk enough by far, and you haven't slept well at all. You don’t fancy the company though, so you don't go out of your door.

Around two in the morning, you open the door and peer out. Nobody is there. You head up to the kitchen to eat something. You sit on the counter eating some fruit and you half expect Bucky to come in for one of your midnight meetings, but he doesn’t. You tell yourself that Bucky not being here doesn’t mean anything as you jump down from the counter. You pick up an apple to take back to your room, feeling nostalgic. “Ugh, I want to die,” You mutter to yourself. You don't actually mean it, so you say it emptily without feeling. You head out of the kitchen.

You walk straight into Bucky.

You squeak. “We need to talk, Y/N.” You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Jesus, you scared the crap out of me.”

“Sorry. Can we talk?” You sigh.

“I can’t, Bucky. I’m sorry.” You walk around him and he lets you.

“This is ridiculous.” He sighs. “Just tell me what’s wrong.” He says. You shake your head and keep walking. “Just tell me! Tell me; what did I do wrong?!” He yells at your retreating back. Something in his voice sounds so desperate and it tugs at your heart. Tears fall from your eyes as you stop walking.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bucky.” Your voice sounds hollow, even to your ears. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, it’s my fault.” He walks over and stops in front of you. You look at the floor next to his feet, refusing to look up.

“Are you having nightmares again?” You shake your head feeling a little ashamed at the true reason why you won't talk. His voice sounds hurt. “Then why are you avoiding me?” You heave some breaths. You feel like a cornered animal and you want to leave. You try to push past him but this time he places his hands on your shoulders to stop you. “Tell me.”

“Bucky, let me go.” You plead. He shakes you.

“Tell me what’s going on, Y/N.” He raises his voice when you say nothing. “You’re hurting, Y/N! Just tell me what’s wrong!”

“No!” You shout and struggle in his grip, somehow managing to break free. You run around him, but he wraps his arms around you from behind so you can't get away. You make a noise of frustration and kick your legs out, trying to loosen his grip. It doesn't work.

“Did you mean what you said in the kitchen?” Your stomach plummets when you realise that he heard you. At first you freeze. Then you struggle more. He takes that as a yes. He's got it all wrong. You should have denied it. “Please, Y/N, please tell me what's wrong. I want to help.”

You stop squirming in his grip and just slump. He catches you and helps you stay standing. You accidentally drop the apple. “Fuck,” You mutter quietly and reach for it. Bucky bends over and hands it back to you. “Thanks.” Bucky nods and then throws you over his shoulder.

“Hey!” You yowl in surprise. “Put me down!”

“That ain't happening doll until you tell me exactly what's going on with you.” You scream through your teeth in anger and frustration. He steps into the elevator and takes care not to bang your head against anything. He tells FRIDAY to go down to his floor.

Tears sting your eyes.

“Bucky, I'm scared.”

“I know,” His voice is soothing as he reaches up and rubs your back softly. “It's okay, I won't hurt you or make you do anything you don't want to.” You mentally snort a little seeing as he's taking you somewhere you're not keen to go. _But that's not true, is it?_ You tell yourself. _You've been missing Bucky, so now here's your chance to sort yourself out._ You begrudgingly admit that your inner voice is right.

Bucky takes you straight to his room and plonks you onto the edge of the bed. Then he walks straight back out again, leaving you confused. Moments later he returns with a bottle of water. He throws it to you and you manage to catch it without dropping the apple. “Thank you.” You say timidly. He crouches before you and gently tilts your face up so you look at him. He looks into your eyes deeply, as if searching for something.

You've never seen his eyes up so close before, and this is the first time you've noticed that they're such a brilliant blue-grey in colour with little green and brown flecks. You can see the tiredness etched into his features from sleepless nights and you can't help but feel guilty. “Nice eyes,” You mumble. He smiles and kisses your forehead.

He takes the bottle from your hands and untwists the cap off with ease. He hands it back to you with the lid and you sip at it wordlessly. He stays crouched before you, his position oddly protective. You drink half of the bottle before replacing the cap on it. Bucky gets up and sits on the bed next to you, putting an arm around your shoulders and gently  resting his head against yours. “I've missed you.” Your chest clenches at his words.

“I'm sorry.” He sighs in response.

“I know.” He lifts his head and kisses your temple. “Will you stay the night?” Tears prick at your eyes. He observes quietly as they fall onto your lap. “We don't have to talk now if you don't feel up to it.” You wordlessly pick up your apple and bite it just to focus on something other than what's going on. When you're finished eating, he takes the stalk for you. “Is there anything I can get you?” His voice is so soft. You just want to distract yourself. You don't want to stay but you also don't want to go.

“Can I-” Your voice comes out raw. You shake your head. “Never mind.” He pauses for a few seconds.

“If you change your mind, just let me know.” He stands and leaves the room to put the apple remains in a food bin. You're still sat, frozen in the same position, when he returns. He crouches again and takes both of your hands in his. “Would you like to stay?” You hesitate but nod, looking at your joined hands. His sigh sounds filled with relief. He kisses both of your knuckles and lets your hands go. You watch out of the corners of your eyes as he picks up your bottle and places it on the table next to the bed.

He returns to you, picking you up with care in a bridal fashion. Cautiously, you wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head onto his shoulder. He kneels onto the bed and awkwardly pushes the covers over. He shuffles into the middle of the bed and gently lays down with you still on top of him. He stretches an arm out and covers you both with the duvet. FRIDAY dims the lights. You curl up on his chest feeling safe for the first time in weeks.

The unspoken words bounce around in your head.

_I love you._

You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

***

Bucky shifts ever so slightly, making you wake up. “Sorry,” He apologises when he realises he woke you. You blink owlishly and see it's morning. The sun is shining through the windows, lighting up the room in an ethereal amber glow. “You feeling any better this morning?” You sigh and rest your chin back onto his chest, looking at him. You don't feel like talking. He gives you a small smile and you return it. “I don't want to move you,” He says sorrowfully. “But I'm really hungry.” His stomach rumbles as if to prove his point. At this, you smile amusedly at him and roll off. “Thanks,” He ruffles your hair, grabs a change of clothes and goes to the bathroom.

“I won't be long.” He says when he returns. “Will you still be here when I come back?”

You stare him in the eyes as you nest down beneath his bed covers. He laughs and it sounds beautiful. “See you soon.” Then he's gone again. You shove your face into his pillow and inhale his scent.

You cast your mind back to your original problem. All you needed to do was talk to Bucky about how you feel about him. And you didn't, so now look where you are. You might as well of saved yourself and him weeks of pain by just admitting those three words. _But no, you were too scared and now look at all the pain you’ve caused._ You scold yourself and feel ashamed.

Sitting up, you sigh. “I have to tell him.” You reach over and grab the bottle and finish all of the water. “Here's what you're going to do,” You say to yourself, crossing your legs. “You're going to apologise, you're going to explain yourself, and then you're going to say the words. Got it?” You nod to yourself. You mentally script what you're going to say to Bucky as you fiddle with the bottle in your hands. They're tremoring faintly but you do your best to push your nerves to the back of your mind.

You wait for him to come back. Breakfast typically can take up to an hour at most, one hour fifteen at a push. You ask FRIDAY how long he's been gone.

“Thirty two minutes, nineteen seconds, Miss Y/N.” You nod. It feels like it's been longer. You put the bottle back down onto the bedside table and settle back down under the covers. All of your stress has made you tired out, and before you know it, you're fast asleep again.

***

Bucky returns a while later. A hand stroking your hair pulls you out of your slumber. You blink and see Bucky smiling down at you. “I brought you something to eat, if you're up for it?” You yawn and nod, closing your eyes again.

“Five more minutes,” You mumble sleepily. He kisses your hairline.

“Five more minutes,” He repeats. He keeps his word. Exactly five minutes later he nudges you. “Come on, get this food down ya.” You frown and sigh, forcing your eyes open. You wriggle yourself up into a sitting position. Bucky chuckles. “You look all cute and grumpy.” You rub your eyes tiredly. You feel something being placed onto your lap. You look down and see some semi-warm pancakes. Bits of fruit is dotted around your plate and over the top of it all there's a drizzle of honey. Bucky hands you cutlery. “Eat up, sweetheart.” You do as you’re told as he picks up your empty bottle. He mentions refilling it, and then he's off again.

The pancakes are delicious. Your stomach grumbles greedily and you're happy to sate your appetite. You practically inhale your food at an impossible speed. By the time Bucky returns, your plate is empty.

“That was fast,” He says in mild surprise before relieving you of your plate. He hands you the refilled water bottle. You drink it.

Bucky climbs back into bed and squeezes himself behind you so that you're between his legs and pressed against his chest. He takes your bottle when you're done. He hugs you tightly, like he doesn't want to let you go. You curl up against his chest  and slip back into sleep.

***

The next time you wake up, Bucky is still asleep. Gingerly, you wiggle around until your chest is pressed to his and your arms are wrapped around him. You sigh into the curve of his neck.

“I'm sorry,” You whisper. You're unsure if you're apologising to Bucky or to yourself. “I just got scared and ran away. I didn't mean to cause you pain, I didn't think.” You kiss his neck.

Bucky shifts at this and makes a sleepy noise. You chuckle. It sounds adorable. You lift your head to see Bucky smiling at you. “Best way to wake up,” He mumbles happily. You smile. “Hey FRIDAY, what's the time?”

“It's 01:42 am, sir. Do you require anything?” Bucky tells her no. You feel shocked when you realise that this is the first time you've slept so long without being disturbed.

“Do you want to do something?” Bucky asks, tucking some hair behind your ear. You smile at the words.

“Sure. I have an idea.” Bucky raises an eyebrow. “But we'll need warm clothes.”

***

You vanish back to your room and quickly brush your teeth and go to the toilet. You rush back into your room and dress up all warm and cosy in winter clothes. It's not warm at night in New York, especially where you'll be going. You teleport back to Bucky when you're ready. He's standing there, waiting for you. “So where are we going?”

“Ah, ah, ah! We need snacks first before I tell you anything, Buckaroo.” He laughs at the nickname. You materialise the pair of you into the kitchen and you grab various little snacks. Bucky grabs some plums and peaches and you get some of his heavenly cookies. You also grab some water. “Ready?” At his nod you grasp his arm. “Well then, here we go.”

You teleport him to the roof of the Avengers Tower. “Wow,” He says, walking over to the railing and looking at the view. It's incredibly windy and you realise with annoyance that you didn't tie your hair out of the way. You walk over and join Bucky.

The night lights of New York City are stunning from up here. You can see the Brooklyn Bridge across the water a while away and all of the various building lights reflecting on the water. It's stunning. You sit down with your legs hanging off of the edge. Placing the tub of food down, you cross your arms and use them as a pillow on the railings. Bucky joins you a few seconds later. He picks up a bottle and offers water and you take the bottle and have a sip. “You were right when you said it would be cold.”

“Yeah, it's bloody freezing!” You laugh and offer him the food tub. He takes a cookie. You take one too. You watch the city lights as you eat. You finish yours and decide that now is the time to tell Bucky what's been going on.

“I'm sorry for avoiding you,” You have to yell slightly above the wind, which isn’t too ideal. “I was scared of messing things up between us. I didn't want to lose what we had.” You push some hair out of the way, but it only blows back into your face. “I made the wrong decision, Bucky. I should have just told you how I was feeling, but I didn't because I was scared.” You feel incredibly vulnerable at your confessions, but you push on. “I thought that you might not feel the same way, I was worried about being hurt.” Your words catch in your throat as you feel the cold of his mental hand hold yours. “I'm sorry I hurt you,” You inhale deeply and look at him. His eyes meet yours. You notice how they appear to be glowing from all of the city lights. It's beautiful. “The truth is;” You pause and lick your lips. “I love you Bucky.” There's a soft look in his eyes when he shuffles himself closer to you. He puts an arm around you and pulls you close. His eyes flick between yours looking bright and emotional.

“I love you too.” He breathes and it’s clear that his voice is filled to the brim with happiness. Then he does something so simple. He reaches up, lifts your chin, and brings his lips softly to yours.

And as you wrap your arms around him, you realise it's perfect. Your midnight confessions, the nighttime meetings, the playfulness and the laughter; it's all perfect.

And you've never felt happier.


End file.
